Secret
by emilymae101
Summary: Emily is trying to figure out her feelings for Maya, or, more importantly, how to tell her friends and family about their relationship. Boring summary, but there will be lots of drama, and Emily/Maya lovin' of course.
1. Dirty Little Secret

EMILY

I awake suddenly to a cold, delicate finger trailing down my spine. I'm suddenly alert, springing upward immediately, ready to pounce on the intruder.

_ What can I say? My dad's in the army. I've been trained well._

My originally terrified facial expression twists into a smirk when I realize that the "intruder" isn't so harmful after all. The sight of my adorable girlfriend, Maya, smiling beneath me erases all previous hopes suspicions of a _different _cold, delicate finger gently running down my spine, raising goosebumps along my skin, and then stroking them away. I shake the thought from my mind.

_She's dead, Em. Ali's dead. _

I collapse back down onto the bed, pulling my dark-skinned beauty on top of me. I breathe in her lilac scent as she lowers her glossed lips down onto mine, running her hands over the skin on my stomach underneath my yellow tank top. Our lips are moving together, _furiously_, I might add, and I feel Maya smile into the kiss as she discovers that I'm not wearing a bra.

_Well, of course I'm not wearing a bra! It's 6:45 in the morning!_

And then I'm brought back into reality.

I somehow gather all of the willpower within myself remove my girlfriend's smooth, thin arms from beneath my shirt, and place her small body down on the bed beside me. Her adorable lips twist into a pout, her huge, chocolate eyes opening wide and melting my heart.

"Aw," I kiss her soft lips, "You're adorable when you pout."

Maya bites down on my bottom lip, sending shocks through my entire body.

"And _you're _just adorable."

"As great as this wake-up call has been," I say, flopping down onto my pillow and twisting one of Maya's dark curls around my finger, "What _ever _are you doing in my bed at 6:45 a.m.?"

The girl sits up abruptly and immediately starts rummaging through her oversized leather bag. I sit up slowly, rubbing my eyes to get a clearer view of what the hell my girlfriend is maniacally searching for. Maya pulls out something from the depths of her bag, but holds it close to her so that I can barely see it. Through her fingers, I finally figure out what it is. I roll my eyes, letting a soft chuckle escape from my mouth.

_Her driver's license. _

I'm actually surprised that I didn't think of it immediately; Maya's been talking about getting her license for weeks now.

"Let me see!" I laugh, gently prying at her thin fingers.

"No!" She pulls away, a smile tugging at her lips, "It came this morning. It's seriously terrible."

"Uh oh," I smile, "How terrible?"

Her eyes grow wide, and her eyebrows knot together in their adorable way.

"Like, _you'll-never-have-sex-with-me-again _terrible."

I gasp in mock astonishment.

"Well, we both know _that _will never happen."

Maya smiles that genuine smile that sends shivers down my spine, and leans in close to me, touching her lips to mine. I suction my mouth against hers, taking in her intoxicating taste. The brunette brushes her soft lips against my ear, whispering huskily,

"You're still not getting to see that picture."

"Oh, come on." I wrap my arms around Maya's waist, pulling her close, "Those pictures are _always_ bad. I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

A devious smile spreads across Maya's face as she raises one of her perfectly shaped eye brows. I laugh to myself as I realize the double meaning of my previous statement.

_That's what she said._

"So," the smaller girl says, laying me on my back and straddling my body with her toned legs, "Is that a promise?"

She places soft kisses in a line down my neck and along my collarbone, making my back arch and my breath hitch.

"Y-yes." I manage to squeak out with my eyes squeezed shut.

Maya crashes her lips into mine, and our mouths move in sync, just as they've done countless times over the past few months. My girlfriend grinds her pelvis into mine, sending tingles through my center. I latch on to her jet black curls, pulling her as close to me as possible. Suddenly, I'm lost in my own world where only the two of us exist. It's impossible to explain how I feel with Maya. It's like, I feel safe, but in a dangerous way.

_I think I'm falling in lo..._

All of a sudden, my bedroom door swings open with a loud _crash_, and I can swear that my heart stops. Time freezes for a second, but my mother's biting tone slices right through the silence.

"Emily Jane Fields!" Her voice booms, "What in _hell _are you doing?"

"Oh my god, _Maya_!" I scream.

And without thinking, I throw the girl off of me, hardly able to care as I hear her squeal in pain as her body hits the ground. I attempt to plaster the angriest look possible on my face as I straighten out my hair to face my mother. As far as I can tell, she's bought my entire act thus far. Her cheeks are flushed, and she's basically staring bullets into Maya's head as the girl straightens her clothes, grabs her bag, and attempts to make a mad dash for the door.

"Not so fast, young lady!" Mom steps in front of the doorway, thwarting Maya's path, and my heart starts racing so fast I'm sure I'll go into cardiac arrest, "What exactly did you think you was going to happen when you snuck into my daughter's room to attack her?"

Maya's jaw drops.

"_Attack_...attack her?" She wildly looks between my mother and I, "What do you think was going on in here, Mrs. Fields?"

My mother tightens her robe around her waist so that I can see her tan knuckles going white.

"Well," she inhales sharply, "It's clear that you came in here this morning in hopes of converting my daughter into a-" she pauses to rethink her choice of words, "_whatever _you are. But clearly, it did not work. I'm _sure_," the woman looks at me sternly, "that my daughter wants you out of here just as much as I do."

"Really?" Maya turns to me, one eyebrow raised.

I'm dying to protest, to speak out against my mother, but I just can't find the words. It's impossible for me to look at Maya's face, into her beautiful brown eyes. So instead I stare down at my purple bedcover, and nod my head slowly.

I hear Maya breathe inward sharply, as if she'd just been punched in the stomach. I glance up at her, and wince when I see the tears glazing her eyes. She clears her throat, turning to my mother.

"I apologize, Mrs. Fields. I guess I had it all wrong. But don't worry," she turns, speaking directly to me, "It will _never _happen again."

And with that, she marches past my mother, and I hear her gentle footsteps quickly making their way down the stairs and out the front door. I look up at my mother, and open my mouth to speak, but she puts her hand up, stopping me.

"I'm glad we put that girl in her place, aren't you?"

I nod, speechless.

"Wouldn't want her trying anything like that again."

I can only nod again as I watch her make her way back down the hall to her bedroom. As soon as I hear the door click shut, I jump out of bed, and race down the stairs and out the door, uncaring of whether anyone hears me. I squint in the early morning light as it beats down on my driveway, and instantly begin running as fast as I can next door. I catch Maya just as she's stepping onto her front porch.

"Maya!" I call, my voice coming out broken through my tears.

I see her pause for a second, then turn around slowly. I can see the tears streaming down her face as she makes her way down the front walkway toward me, and it's like someone stabbed a knife through my heart.

_I did this to her. It's my fault._

"Maya, I..." I begin, but she cuts me off.

"Look, Emily. It's been two months. Do you get that? _Two months. _Two months of sneaking around. And I kept thinking 'she'll tell her friends soon' or 'she'll tell her parents soon'. But guess what, Em? It never happened." Her speech is interrupted by her own hysterical tears, and out of instinct, I put my hand on her shoulder, but she shrugs it off, "No! No, Emily! You don't get to break my heart, and then comfort me too. I mean, sneaking around is one thing, but _lying_? Making it seem like I'm some crazy lesbian attacker that jumped you this morning?" She pauses, as if I should say something, and I _should_, but no words come out, "Don't you get it, Emily? All this time...all this time I was falling in _love _with you. And you were just keeping me as your dirty little secret."

_She loves me? Holy crap, she loves me._

But before I can piece my thoughts together well enough to say anything, Maya is already back pacing toward her front door.

"We're done, Emily." She says, turning around, "It's over."

"Maya!" I call out, "You're more than just my dirty little secret, you know that!"

I'm screaming my lungs out, but Maya pretends not to hear, calmly opening her front door. She turns to me slowly one last time.

"Try not to wake the neighbors."

And with that, she slams the red door behind her, and she's gone.

_She's gone. No. She can't be gone. First Ali, now Maya. This isn't happening. This cannot be happening. Why does everyone I love always leave me? Wait, love? Shit._

I lose all control of myself, throwing every ounce of sanity left in my body out the window, and collapse on Maya's front lawn. I can't imagine how desperate - how _psychotic_ - I must look right now, but I can't bring myself to care. The grass is a blurry mess through my hysterical tears, my shoulders heaving up and down with the sobs.

I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder, and for a second, just one second, I think that it could possibly be my mother. But no, of course not. I turn to see Hanna's blurred face in the sunlight, her blue eyes shining through my tears. She extends her hand out to me, and I take it, allowing her to pull me into her embrace.

"Sweetie," She whispers, rubbing my back, "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

The blonde girl leads me over to a white bench on her side of the street, and we both sit down, with her tightly holding my hand. I notice that Hanna is still wearing her pajamas, and realize with slight embarrassment that I've woken her up.

"It's _not _going to be okay, Hanna." I sob, tears once again racking my frame.

"Oh, Em." Hanna's voice is shaking as she uses her thumb to wipe the tears from under my eyes, "Please, tell me what happened."

"It's over." I cry, "With me and Maya. It's over."

"Wait, _what_?" Hanna's voice rises a few pitches the way it usually does when she's angry or surprised, "What the hell is wrong with that girl? I'm going to go over there and give her a piece of my mind." She stands up, but i pull her back down.

"That's the thing, Hanna." I look directly into her eyes, "There's _nothing _wrong with Maya. She's absolutely perfect. And that's why I'm so _mad _at myself for not having the guts to tell everyone about us. She doesn't deserve that. I know it, she knows it..."

I break down again, but make sure that my sobs are muted this time, so I don't wake anyone else. Hanna rubs my back silently, biting her lip.

"Look," she says softly, after a while, "I know you don't really want to hear this, but maybe it won't be such a bad thing to come out. Maybe not to your parents yet, but at least tell the other girls, Em. They aren't going to care, you _know _it. You're the one who thinks this is such a big deal, not anyone else."

I look up at her, stunned for a moment.

_Does she really mean that?_

"I'm sorry, Em. But someone had to say it, okay?"

I nod.

"Okay."

"I actually have to go," she sighs, "I'm supposed to go for a run with Sean, or something," she shudders, "Gross."

I chuckle.

_Leave it to Hanna to always..._be _Hanna. I should take a note from her._

"Have fun."

"Oh, I won't." She smiles, and places a kiss on my forehead before standing up, "You're going to be okay, I promise."

I nod, and she turns to leave. But I know I'm not going to be okay.

_I can't tell Aria and Spencer. I can't do it. And after this morning, I know I'll never be able to tell Mom. It would be suicide to say anything to Dad about it, he swears by the rules of the military. But I'm lost without Maya. There's no way out._

I slowly make my way back to my front door, my face feeling sticky from the dried tears. I let out a deep sigh that I didn't know I was holding when I realize that a) my mother hasn't realized I left, or b) she didn't care enough to look for me. Either way, it's good news. I don't feel like spinning another lie at the moment.

I tiptoe up the stairs and into my room, throwing myself down on the bed. I wince as I feel a sharp piece of plastic digging into my side, and I reach down to find Maya's license.

_She must have forgot it here when...when..._

I can't finish the sentence. I look at the picture, and it brings the tears back. Let me say, she looks far from terrible. I'm instantly glad that I didn't show her mine, because she looks absolutely _adorable_.

_I'll have to give this to her next time she..._

And I realize with dread and a certain morbid emptiness that there won't be a next time. I tuck the plastic card into the waistband of my pajama pants before trudging into the bathroom. I turn on the light, and instantly jump back at my horrific reflection in the mirror. My dark hair is completely disheveled, and my eyes are puffy and red around the edges.

_I look dead. No, I _feel _dead. _

I shake my head.

_I wish I was dead._

As if another person has taken over my body, I reach into the cabinet below the sink to pull out a compact mirror I'd buried away for a long while. I take it apart, just like I used to, and pull out the tiny razor blade that I haven't seen in years. I make sure to lock the bathroom door before positioning myself on the toilet seat and holding out my left arm. If I look closely enough, I can still see the tiny white scars now fading on my left arm.

_I cannot believe I'm doing this again. _

But the intense pain over my loss of Maya overcomes any sense I have left in my brain, and I'm hysterical and breathless all at once. I curl my toes against the cold, tile floor in both excitement and dread of what's to come. But there's no time for excitement, or dread, or pain, or thought, or feeling.

I outstretch my left arm, clenching my fist, and drag the razor over my skin as if I'd never kicked the habit.

**Hey guys! I noticed there isn't a lot of Emily/Maya on here, so I thought I'd contribute! This story is going to be more about the relationship rather than all of the "A" texts, although there might be a few thrown in there! What did you guys think of the story thus far? I LOVE REVIEWS! They keep me going! The more reviews I get, the faster I'll write the next chapter!**

**I'd love to know what you think!**

**xo**

**em**


	2. Alice

MAYA

I wish life was like _Alice in Wonderland_. Everything would be so damn easy.

You fall into a hole filled with wonder and the unknown, where the situation could turn out great, or horribly wrong. There are a couple of memorable, happy moments at first; sometimes you even think that things are going to last, and you can stay in Wonderland forever. But, just as you'd expected from the very beginning, relationships that you've built during your time in the magical place begin to crumble, leaving you depressed, confused, and angry. And just when you think that life cannot possibly get worse and you wish with all of your heart that you'd never let yourself fall down the hole in the first place, all of a sudden the world begins to spin and _BOOM! _you're right back where you started.

But I am _not _Alice, and my spinning funnel of doom of a relationship is not Wonderland, and, therefore, I can't just eat a piece of oversized cake and end up back in Rosewood.

_But am I really willing to give up everything with Emily?_

Ah, the million dollar question. I'm attempting to scrub smeared eyeliner off of my face when my phone buzzes, falling off the sink and crashing onto the tile floor.

_This is _really _not my day, is it?_

I momentarily redirect my attention from my hot mess of a face to the cellular device on the floor, which, thankfully, is not broken. That seriously would have been the cherry on top of a fantastic morning. I squint through crusted mascara at the tiny screen, and I'm surprised to realize that I'm getting a phone call from Hanna.

_I'm pretty sure the last time I spoke to Hanna was at Homecoming. Awkward._

Unfortunately I didn't make the connection between _Hanna_ and _Emily_ until it was too late and I could already hear the blonde girl's voice panting through the phone.

"Maya?" She sounds seriously out of breath.

"Oh," I try to conceal the anxiousness in my voice, "Hey, Hanna. What's up?"

"Listen," pant, "I wasn't," pant, "gonna say," pant, "anything," pant, pant, "but Emily talked," pant, pant, pant, pant.

"Hey, Hanna?" I cut her off.

"Yeah?"

"Are you _running_?"

I hear the intense panting get quicker, slow down, and then stop completely.

"Yeah," she answers, her voice coming out clearer now, "Well, I _was_ running. With Sean. _But_ I decided that this is way more important."

I take a deep breath; I know where this conversation is going.

"And what exactly is _this_?" I ask, while already knowing the answer.

"Well..." her voice trails off for a second, but she takes an audible breath in and restarts her sentence, "Look, Maya. I don't know if Emily told you, but...I know about you guys."

_Excuse me, what?_

I'm actually speechless. Partly out of excitement that Emily had had the guts to tell someone about us, and also out of slight anger for her not telling me that Hanna knew about us. Maybe then I would have had someone to talk to.

_Right. Like Miss Queen Bee would have wanted to share lesbo tips with the quirky new girl._

"Maya?" The voice gets louder, "Maya? Are you there?"

I nod, even though she can't see me.

"Yeah." I squeak out.

"I'm sorry if you didn't know." She continues, "But what I'm about to say won't make any sense if I didn't tell you that much."

_Well, obviously. This conversation is clearly about Emily._

"Okay." I say, with more edge than I'd originally intended, "So what's the object of this conversation?"

"I know you probably don't want to hear this from me, but you really, _really _need to talk to her."

I start to reply, but Hanna continues.

"You don't even need to talk about your relationship...well, yes you kind of do need to talk about your relationship. But only because I'm worried about her. Like, _seriously _worried, Maya. She was an absolute _mess_ when I saw her, and I don't want her to do anything..." Her voice gets quiet.

"Anything like _what_?" I ask, now curious.

"She just...she used to...I don't think..." She takes a deep breath, "Em used to get into bad habits when she was upset. Now, I'm not saying that she's like that anymore, but I still think you should go over there anyway. Don't pretend like you don't care about her. We both know that isn't true."

_She's right. It really isn't true._

I hang up the phone before replying to Hanna because I'm too focused on getting the hell over next door to see if Emily's okay.

_Hannah had better not have been messing with me about checking on Emily just to get me over to this house._

But by the time I can think to turn back to my house in order to stop myself from looking like a fool, I'm already turning the knob on the front door of the Fields' house. Emily usually leaves the door unlocked for me, but I doubt this time it was on purpose. Knowing that it's barely eight o'clock and her mother is probably still sleeping, I creep up the stairs into my girlf..._Emily's_ bedroom.

I suck in a huge breath before swinging the white door open, but quickly let it out when I see that the bedroom is empty.

_Dammit. Where the hell could she have gone?_

I notice that her cell phone is still sitting on her desk, assuring me that the girl hasn't gone very far, considering she never parts with the thing. My breathing quickens again as I walk down the hallway toward the bathroom. When I notice that the door is closed, I make sure to knock softly, just in case its Mrs. Fields.

_Now that is a sight I would _not _like to see. _

I jump slightly when I hear a noise coming from the next room, but I laugh quietly to myself when I realize that it's just Em's mom snoring. I can't help but giggle at the memories of spending the night here and constantly checking that we could still hear the snoring to make sure that we wouldn't get busted. And hey, it worked.

_Well, until this morning, that is._

I knock softly once more on the door, and whisper,

"Emily? Em? Are you in there?"

When there's no reply, my heartbeat begins to race. I can't put my finger on it, but I just know that there is something _not right _about this situation. I hesitantly turn the doorknob, scared of what I might see.

I swing the door open, and I suddenly feel sick; like my entire body is just going to crash in on itself. I can't breathe, and I'm frozen for a moment. There's Emily, my _beautiful _Emily, sprawled out on the floor, her limbs fallen around her. Her pajama shorts and form-fitting tank top are stained red on account of the fact that the girl is laying in a pool of her own _blood_, cascading from her wrists.

I think I'm going to throw up.

_This isn't happening. How could I have made her feel this badly?_

And as though the weight of the situation had finally set in on me, a sudden shock jolts through my entire body, and I let out the shrillest, loudest scream that I can possibly muster. Almost instantly, I hear the quick pounding of feet coming from Mrs. Fields' bedroom, and all of a sudden the woman emerges from her lair. Her dark eyes are burning a hole through my head, but they soften a bit when she sees hysterical tears running down my face. She quickly makes her way toward me.

"Maya, what are you..." she stops short in front of the doorway to the bathroom, all of the color draining from her face, "Oh my _god_."

After that, everything seems to happen in a daze. I stagger backwards, shrinking against the cold, tile wall to steady myself in the seemingly spinning bathroom. I think I can hear Emily's mom screaming something to me, but it sounds more like a distant whisper. I can't bear to redirect my tranced gaze from the wall opposite me to look at Emily. I think there are tears streaming down my face, but I'm not entirely sure. I don't have control over anything. Even the shooting pain through my body after being shoved into the wall by a rushing physician doesn't bring me back into reality. And before I know it, I'm sitting all alone on the floor of a freezing cold bathroom, the love of my life's blood soaking through the thin soles of my Keds.

I allow myself to fully break down so that my T-shirt is soaked in my own tears, and my shoulders are shaking so hard I think they might break. My breathing is sparse and ragged, and I bang my head against the wall out of anger and frustration.

A cold hand grabs onto mine, and I jump, not noticing that anyone had entered the house. I look up to see Hanna, her usually flawless face twisted into a horrified expression. I want to say something to her, but I just can't stop _crying_, so she sits down next to me, pulling me into a tight hug as I sob uncontrollably into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," I cry, "I didn't know...I didn't know she would do this."

Hanna bites her lip.

"I didn't know she did this stuff anymore."

"_Anymore_?" I pull away from the blonde, attempting to steady my breathing.

She nods.

"Em used to have problems with..._cutting_. But she stopped a long time ago. It was never this bad."

I can't help it. The tears come again.

"So," I sob, "I did this to her. I made her want to...to _die_?" The words taste like brass on my tongue.

"No. _No_." Hanna pulls me close to her again, "You did not do this, do you understand me?"

I nod, although I don't believe a word of what she says.

The girl starts to stand up, and she holds out her hand for me.

"Where are we going?" I shakily grab her hand, and she pulls me up. My legs feel like jello, like they can't support my weight.

"To the hospital, obviously," she starts down the stairs, "Spencer and Aria are probably there already."

"Did Em's mom call you?" I ask, running after Hanna as she speeds out the front door.

"Well, no. I saw the ambulance," her voice cracks, and I see a tear running down her cheek as we get into her car, "She told me you were inside and that I should go take care of you. So I called Spencer and Aria to make sure they went down there with..."

"Wait," I cut her off, "She said to take care of me? She hates me."

"No she doesn't, Maya," my heart is in my throat and I feel the tears seeping through my eyes, "She doesn't want her daughter to be a lesbian. She doesn't hate you. She just wants to blame you," Hanna sighs, "She'll get over it."

_Yeah, if Emily ever decides to stop lying to everyone._

Hanna's head snaps toward me, and I realize with horror that I've just said that out loud.

"I did _not _mean to say that." I whisper.

The blonde takes a deep breath as if trying to restrain from slapping me in the face, and I don't blame her. So I start a new sentence.

"I'll never forgive myself if she...if she..."

"Don't say it." Hanna almost yells at me, "Look, Maya. I've already lost one friend this year, and I don't plan on losing another. You don't know what it's like."

"Are you _kidding me_?" I turn to her, tears streaming down both of our faces, "She is my entire _world_, Hanna. If she dies, I die. Do you get that? Emily means everything to me. I love her. So yes, I think I do know what the hell it's like."

Hanna looks stunned - hey, I'm pretty stunned myself - and we walk in silence into the hospital waiting room, where Aria and Spencer meet Hanna and myself with mumbles 'hellos'.

"Where's Mrs. Fields?" I ask Aria, whose makeup is smeared all over her porcelain cheeks.

Both her and Spencer nod in the direction of the woman, who is talking to a doctor in the corner of the room. We all hold our breath as we watch the interaction. All of a sudden, Emily's mother bursts into tears, nearly collapsing on top of the man in the white coat, who gently pats her back. The four of us freeze for a moment, and after exchanging horrified glances, we all collapse into a circle of chairs, our heads cradled in our hands.

I'm too stunned to cry. I feel myself dying already from the inside out.

When I hear Mrs. Fields standing over us, I hesitantly raise my head, as do the other girls, whose eyes are now puffy and red. We all hold our breath as the tan woman opens her mouth to speak, and I close my eyes, wincing prematurely at the impending bad news.

"She lost a lot of blood," she begins, and the four of us lose our nerve, all breaking down into tears, "But the doctor says she's going to make it."

I look into Mrs. Fields' eyes just to make sure I heard her correctly, and I see her walking toward me. At first I shrink backwards, afraid that she might hit me or something for turning her daughter into a lesbian, but she gently stands me up, and embraces me with a tight hug. At first, I'm totally confused, but I gently hug back.

"Thank you," she squeezes me lightly, and I can tell that she's crying, "The doctor said that you found her just in time. You saved my daughter."

I let a few tears of joy pour down my cheeks before pulling away. The woman straightens herself before leaning in again and lowering her voice this time.

"This does not, however, give you permission to continue on with what happened this morning. Under _no _circumstances." She nods before walking toward what I assume is Emily's room.

The other three girls take turns giving me hugs, but I can only keep a superficial smile on my face. Of course all I could have asked for is for Em to be okay, but I still can't _have _her, and it makes my heart break in half.

Hanna grabs hold of my hand for a second and nods in approval right before we walk into the room where Emily is laying. She looks beautiful, radiant even, for the state she's in. She's still unconscious, and she has two thick bandages wrapped around both wrists. A monitor is beeping loudly along with the girl's even breathing, and she seems...peaceful.

We all sit in the room for hours, occasionally talking about some nonsense topic, but mostly sitting in silence. I don't know how it will be when she wakes up. I don't know how I'll restrain myself from kissing her lips, from caressing her damaged wrists, from stroking her silky, dark hair. But I'll have to. Because I'm still just the dirty little secret.

_Emily _cannot_ love you in the way that you love her. That's the way it is. She just can't give you what you want._

Mrs. Fields had left the room a few times to bring us lunch, and then eventually dinner. At around 7:15 p.m. she went home to get some of Emily's things since she'd be spending a few days in the hospital. Barely five minutes after she's left the room, Emily's body begins to stir. My heart skips a beat, it just seems so unnatural for her to be moving. The four of us inch closer to the bed to get a better look, and sure enough, Emily's beautiful eyes are fluttering open. She seems startled originally, and I don't blame her, what with the four of us crowded around her hospital bed.

The girl looks around for a moment, as if wondering if she achieved what she'd set out to do, or if she's still alive. When she realizes that she's still here, she throws her head down onto the pillow in defeat, silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm still here, aren't I?" She whispers, and my heart breaks.

Aria takes her hand gently, and Hanna takes the other.

"Yes, sweetie." Hanna says, "You're still here. And it's a _good _thing."

"A great thing." Spencer adds.

"We don't know why you would ever do this." Aria says, tears brimming her huge eyes.

Emily doesn't say anything, she only looks directly into my eyes, and I feel like someone has just punched me in the stomach.

_So it was my fault._

The other three girls look in my direction expectantly, but I can't get any words out. All I can do is look directly into Emily's eyes. Her gaze isn't angry, just unbearably hurt, and I can't take it.

"What's going on..." Spencer asks, but no one answers.

"Why are you here?" Emily's still staring at me, her voice barely audible.

_Because I'm in love with you._

"You know why." I whisper, but she doesn't say anything as a few tears roll down her cheeks, "Maybe I should just leave, though."

I turn on my heel to go.

"Maya!" Emily's voice is soft, but I can tell it's taking a lot of effort for her, "Don't leave."

"Yeah," Aria says, sounding slightly irritated, "Why would you leave?"

"Em," I try to sound as calm as possible, "If this is my fault..." I trail off, realizing maybe I've said too much, but Emily doesn't seem phased.

"You're _fault_?" Spencer's voice rises.

"Maya..." Hanna warns.

"Will somebody please tell me what the _hell _is going on?" Aria yells.

I shake my head, fighting tears.

"Em, why should I stay?" I ask quietly before turning, and walking toward the doorway.

"Because!" She screams, and I hear the other girls jump at the sudden volume.

I turn around and meet her chocolate brown eyes. She's attempting a smile, which is a contrast to the death glares coming at me from Spencer and Aria.

"Because I love you."

She says it so quietly that I'm not sure if I'm the only one who's heard it. I would check to see the expressions on the other girls' faces, but I'm too caught up in Emily. I try to find my voice.

"You...you do?"

She nods, tears running down her face.

"Yeah," she smiles widely, "I really do."

Hot tears are pouring down my face too as I make my way closer to the hospital bed, my bottom lip trembling. The girls back up slowly as I kneel next to Emily's bed, pulling her face close to mine without any contact just in case she's not ready for that yet. But to my happy surprise, she grabs onto the back of my head, pushing her lips into mine as our burning tears mix with one another. Our lips are moving wildly and in perfect sync, both of us letting out little sniffles throughout. I pull away, but still close enough for our foreheads to be touching, and I look into her big, brown eyes. She bites her lip, her vision still locked on mine. I gently grab hold of her hand, caressing her delicate fingers.

"I love you, too."

_ Maybe Wonderland isn't so bad, after all._

**All of your reviews were awesome last chapter! Keep 'em coming, because that's what gives me the inspiration to write. It took me a few days to get this one going, since it's a lot longer than what I usually write for a chapter. I figured you guys deserved a long chapter, after all of your sweet reviews :)**

**FYI - all of the chapters are song names, so you should check them out if you don't know them already. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!**

**xo**

**em**


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